


When Leaves Fall

by lighthouse_stilinski



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes-centric, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:56:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6853642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighthouse_stilinski/pseuds/lighthouse_stilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know, Steve, all leaves turn color. All leaves fall. But, that’s not the end of it. There will always come a time when those leaves grow back, and they’ll be just as green as ever.”</p><p>Bucky comes up with a metaphor to help Steve. Turns out, Steve uses the very same one to help Bucky. </p><p>*Civil War Spoilers! Do not read if you have not seen the movie!*</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Leaves Fall

**September, 1940**

“You know, Steve, all leaves turn color. All leaves fall. But, that’s not the end of it. There will always come a time when those leaves grow back, and they’ll be just as green as ever,” Bucky said.

Steve watched as colors of brown, yellow, red, and orange floated through the air and slowly landed into a larger group of colors scattered across the ground. He trudged across a brick path in Central Park with Bucky by his side, hands shoved in his pant pockets and fallen leaves crunching beneath his feet.

It had been a month since his mother, Sarah Rogers, had passed away. A month that Steve, to his complete chagrin, knew that he should not have spent alone. He had convinced himself that he could make it on his own. He wanted to prove that he could work this out by himself. But he had proved nothing. Loneliness did not suit him well, and he had only succeeded at pushing his best friend away when he needed help the most.

“Thanks for the metaphor,” Steve said. “But you do know that those newly green leaves will die, anyway. It’s a cycle, Buck.” Bucky sighed and laughed, which sounded strange and out of place in Steve’s ears.

Bucky stopped in his tracks and placed a hand on one of Steve’s shoulders. “Indeed, it is a cycle,” he said. “Which means that, when you fall down, you just gotta get back up.”

Steve looked past Bucky, through the lines of trees, and to the towering buildings of New York City. His best friend was right. He had been down on the ground for far too long, and it was time to stand back up.

“I can’t do this alone,” Steve said. His eyes met Bucky’s, and they were full of determination.

“I know, buddy,” Bucky said. “I’m with you, remember?”

“Until the end of the line,” Steve finished. Bucky took the initiative to pull his best friend into an embrace, and Steve finally felt himself begin to let it all go. The pain. The loneliness.

Hot tears ran down his face, and he buried his head in the crook of Bucky’s neck. There were people watching, and Steve was sobbing. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. Bucky was all that he had, and, in that moment, Bucky was all that he needed.

***

**April, 2014**

The Winter Soldier pulled his mission from the Potomac, dropping him on the bank of the river. The Soldier knew who the man was; he was known as Captain America. It was the Winter Soldier’s job to take him down.

And yet, he had just done the one thing he was definitely not supposed to do. He saved his mission, instead of destroying him.

But something about the title “Captain America” didn’t sit right with the Soldier. He knew this man, cared about this man.

_Steve._

The name floated into the Winter Soldier’s mind. Something about it felt inviting. It felt forgiving. He continued to survey the man that lay motionless on the river bank. His body was riddled with bruises, cuts, and bullet holes. And the Soldier felt a mixture of strange emotions at the sight of him. He was supposed to complete his mission, but guilt and sorrow washed through the entirety of his being; emotions that he knew he had not felt in an incredibly long time.

_Your name is James Buchanan Barnes._

The Winter Soldier shook his head in an attempt to rid the familiar voice from his head. He knew this man, but that remembrance felt so far away. He felt as though he had known him in another life. Another reality.

The Soldier looked into the trees on the edge of the river. Without warning and without understanding, he said, “All leaves fall.” He took one more look at the man on the ground, and he felt shame. He had no idea what those three words meant, but he knew that they were important. And, in that moment, he knew that he could not stay.

Taking a deep breath, the Winter Soldier turned and made his way into the unknown.

***

**May, 2016**

“Mind if I sit?” Bucky Barnes looked to Steve Rogers and shook his head. Bucky did what he could to block out the sounds of machines and ignore the people that poked and prodded at him like he was a science experiment. He had felt like an experiment for so long that he had forgotten what it meant to be human.

T’Challa’s facility, however, was much different than the dark, dank laboratory that Hydra had used to turn him into The Winter Soldier; into a killing machine. Bucky took a deep breath and did what he could to force memories that he would rather forget from his chaotic mind. Despite the noise that surrounded him, he could still hear the voices that destroyed him, see the faces that stole his humanity in order to make a weapon out of him. He could still smell the blood that dripped from his veins, feel the fear that flooded his entire being. Maybe he was still human, after all.

Bucky closed his eyes and continued to focus on his breathing. A strong hand took hold of the shoulder that was once connected to a metal arm, and he opened his eyes to see concern run across Steve’s face.

“How are you holding up, Buck?” Steve asked. Bucky had no idea how to answer that question. He barely knew who he was, how was he supposed to discern the way that he felt?

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I don’t have the uncontrollable urge to kill anyone.”

Steve laughed softly, pulling his hand away from his friend’s shoulder. “We’ll figure this out,” he said. “But for now, I’m glad to have you back.”

Bucky knit his eyebrows in confusion. Steve was important to him. He knew that. He knew that he was his best friend, but that was in a life that seemed so far away; almost like a dream.

“My name... my name is James Buchanan Barnes,” Bucky said systematically. Steve, obviously unsure what Bucky meant, opened his mouth to speak, but his words were cut off. “I was born on March 10, 1917. I grew up in Brooklyn. I fought with the 107th infantry in the Second World War. I was a Howling Commando. I died trying to protect my best friend, Steve Rogers.” He pursed his lips and looked to the ground.

“Buck, what’s going on in your head?” Steve asked gently.

“When I left you by the river,” Bucky started, “I went into hiding. Somehow, I got into the routine of telling that to myself. Over and over. Whenever I felt like things were starting to slip.” The two were quiet for a moment. Steve still didn’t quite understand.

“But, you didn’t die. You’re still here,” Steve reminded his best friend. Bucky shook his head.

“Whatever this thing I am now is still alive, but James Buchanan Barnes did die. I want so badly to be the Bucky you knew again, but I don’t know how,” he said. “The Bucky you knew died when he fell off that train. I have no idea what I am now.”

“You know what I think?” Steve asked. Bucky turned to face the other man.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Do you remember that day in Central Park after my mom died?” Steve asked.

The ghost of a smile ran across Bucky’s face. “You mean the day you finally decided to stop being such a stubborn pain in the ass and finally answered my call?” Steve laughed.

“Yeah, that day,” Steve said. “You told me something that was actually kinda profound for how stupid you are.” This time, Bucky laughed.

“I told you that leaves fall or something dumb like that,” Bucky said.

“Yeah, you told me that they turn colors. Sometimes, they turn colors that are darker than others. And all leaves fall,” Steve said. Bucky felt a warmth in his chest that contradicted the shame that he felt when he spoke those words out loud a couple years earlier. “But they grow back. Buck, you can be that person again. If you want to be Bucky Barnes again, then we’ll find a way to make that happen, and I won’t give up until it does.”

Bucky nodded. He knew that Steve would never give up on someone that he cared about, even if one of those people happened to be an ex-assassin. Steve was all that he had, and, in that moment, Steve was all that he needed.


End file.
